I'm sorry.

i think the reason i've been feeling so insecure about this relationship is because i keep expecting something to go wrong. i keep expecting it to fall apart. its been so good, yea we've had little fights like everyone else has in relationships, but nothing that has ever had the power to break us and i guess it scares me because i'm so used to things falling apart one way or another and now that its almost a year i'm so afraid for it to fall apart and i just keep praying he doesn't hurt me, but i keep expecting it and i know that that's unhealthy for our relationship because its almost like jinxing it but i hadn't noticed i was doing it until today. i don't want to sabotage my relationship with him. i love Jonathan. and i know that i might suspect him of certain things with certain people, and i know that i'am wrong. and when i get scared i look for comfort in others. and i may not do anything at all but talk to my guy friends, because i don't have any other friends anymore, idk where the girls have gone and that's fine, i've finally learn to deal with that stage of our lives, i guess.
i've never cheated on him, and i never will. and maybe old emotions have rushed back once in a while at the thought of the past or the sound of someones voice, by the words that i've read, but at the end of the day i would never do anything to hurt Jonathan. He is my Life. what im saying is, i have plenty of guy friends and when i have no one to run to and talk i speak to them and as much as i get mad when hes text'ing his female friends i shouldn't be upset at him because at the end of the day i text my male friends. i have to stop feeling this way. i'm sorry baby. i'm sorry for all of this stupid bickering and all my insecurities. i know i love you, i don't want to be without you. that's all.